Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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