Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
