then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
birth control should be required to get into college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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