fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
