How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
