He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize