mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
