I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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