3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
