Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
