he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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