Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
