I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
