based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cut my penus on the lid.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
