Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
