your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there's paper in my vomit.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
