This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
