OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
