You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
