I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
