i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
