I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize