Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
