i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize