I want to have your abortion
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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