so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
