Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
