i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
