I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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