Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
