i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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