Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
