I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
