it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
