I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
