Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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