piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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