My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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