i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
