the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
