He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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