I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
