watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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