Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
