Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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