its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
