I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think im going to throw up on grandma
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
