Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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