Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
