absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize