Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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