Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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