bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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