I wish you could order shots online.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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