I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need moral support for this bender
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize