I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
