So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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