I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
