Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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