He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
