People in love make me want to vomit
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
