she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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