This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
