I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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