what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
