dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
