I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize