I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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