I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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